Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Finding balance and holding on to balance......Life

Some days for me are one moment at a time and balance in my life is critical for all the little people who count on me every moment of their lives so I have had to take a few days to recover from some emotional dealings.

First and foremost if any of my followers are or know of a family who has a child with PWS and are interested or licensed to adopt I really would like you to email me. My world was just turned upside down from a situation needing a family for a newborn with PWS. So if I know families it is easy for me to pass along your information.

Let me back up to two years ago..... The week before Emma was born our family was submitted to adopt a little girl with Down syndrome at that time just 6 years old. A sad situation and she ended up in foster care... as the process moved on our end dropped the ball because Emma's situation was presented and moved very fast where I was in NICU out of town; living a new mom role with a very sick baby girl. I did not return emails or phone calls about the 6 yr old for months... I felt she must have been provided a home, she is so darn cute. I checked on her in the spring and learned she is still sitting in foster care.... still waiting for her family. I contacted the agency again and they called to request our current home study..which then makes us go through the process.... we have a new child so a new home study ($$$).. we are approved to adopt and space was being made for her to come. Tressa had made room in her bedroom to add a new sister her age as the little girl is almost 8 now. We have had the home visits, paper work jumping hoops and meeting all the new critera of Adam Walsh clearences, FBI fingerprints on top of FDLE level 2 clearences etc to meet ICPC regulations... no problem I have never been in trouble with the law and believe I am very capable of bringing her into our home as it feels God has kept his hand on me to care for his time it will happen.

Last week as I was interviening in a situation in Florida helping a family in crisis I get an email to help a new family in need of placing their baby into an adotpive home who has PWS and they are hoping to find a family involved in PWS and know adoption and care of children with PWS... I sent out emails/phone calls to families who had talked to me about their desire to adopt in the past with children who have PWS.. I got back email after email of denials for right now is not a good time... I talked to the parents on the phone and I questioned if this isn't a clear message that it is our family he needs... I move to make arrangements to say; what is one more? I contact our social worker and attorney to be sure I am not blocking the placement of our little 8 yr old who needs us and they say if I am sure I can do it they trust in my judgement, check on what supports do you have in place... I talk to my teens in the home and of course my household says YES to a new baby... We get the Baby bed set up, place all the little boy materials out and we are set for me to fly out to meet the baby... but something didn't feel right... something kept me from clicking the payment button and having the flight confirmed.. I prayed and prayed what is happening... I emailed, I befriended face book friends that I have never personally met but are support in the world of PWS... and I prayed for an answer.. everything is moving quickly as it does with newborn adoptions for special needs.. I need a commitment. I talk to the family again and their questions of me brought the light staight to the surface.. the vision of long term goals for all were made clear.. this is not the plan, I need to back out and let this family move to find peace in what they are doing and if adoption is the answer, is this right>>> not for our family... and I went through a brief grieving of loosing an adoption placement, packing up the baby's spot in our home. The support from my friends is immensely appreciated, the strength it took for me not to take on so much more than my family really could handle...

The Extreme Makeover we had been nominated with for Home Makeover has not been decided so we are in a home which is in need of space for adding another boy to our family. In the long term plan for our family who would take over if anything happened to me, one child with PWS is a huge responsibility and 2 is twice as much.. Would that person or persons be able to move into my home as it house is fine for me right now, that is not good long term planning. No one else would allow three children in their bed..LOL (all the kids have their own bed, mine seems to be the preferred) So it is calm today, it will be more calm when the baby is either in his birth family making his spot as their son and their believing they can parent him or in an adoptive family and all calm in their choices.. That will be a glorious day... but today we are where we need to be and yes I do understand I can not save the world and I have done more than most which all makes total sense on an average day..... days where I stay balanced.

The days after, this another clear message I did the right thing... when Tressa(PWS) came to our home Jordan was 18 months...last week I thought this is a parallel placement to that, seemed to be following EXACT play out. Then yesterday at Emma's 18 month check up I was told she needs weight on, she has fallen off the charts so pediasure and cookie parties.... OH GREAT!!! This was the same as with Jordan...for years I had to have Jordan hide under my sheets before bed and load him with calories.. I so remember how unfair it felt..when I mentioned another baby with PWS to my Pediatrician he says "NO" LOL I must admit when I mention adoption to any one of my friends or family 80% say no, but they have been saying "NO" since Kaitlyn?? Steven?? Jordan?? Tressa?? Lucas?? Emma?? and what if I had listened to those "NO's"

Today I need to get busy on what is current, a Down syndrome awareness walk/park date which is overwhelmingly difficult to pull together in this economy... Only three of the almost forty families coming registered ($$$) so how do you throw a HUGE event with $150.00.... it isn't enough to order printing for registration forms let alone getting the I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders right now which I have to find balance... the balance is I am holding to my word! I am not taking from my family any longer to make Down syndrome events work out the way I envision...they will be what they are for what is provided from the local community of DS... Awareness and togetherness ... it is what it is.

I am moving forward with the little girl and hopefully before Christmas she will be in her Hanna Montana sheets Tressa picked out for her. We are always thinking of her... and how having a family, our family, her family, is going to bring closure to her life in the system.

Today is my day of rest, tomorrow is a busy day... Friday is prepare for the weekend, Saturday we have a picnic to attend and a parade at night, Sunday Tressa and I prepare to go to Gainesville for her visit to PWS clinic with Dr Miller and the following weekend is Florida PWS Conference where we will be surrounded with friends in Orlando having FUN FUN FUN... so I can look forward to so much and celebrate all we have and not think about all that we don't.. We have the most important life asset, love..and one another. LUCAS will be SEVEN on the 13th... unbelievable!!! We have so much to celebrate.