APX GIVES BACK - PWCF CHECK CEREMONY PART 2

Parenting children with special needs offers special insight... as in the past couple of days. Like many homes when I go to the grocery store the kids find their favorite item and feel the need to eat/drink it up, open and use as fast as humanly possible. I am working on pace, pace the race to finish with common sense... DO not drink such a huge glass of orange juice so we have more for tomorrow. This I feel like I preach on every item, crayons to orange juice.

This morning Kaitlyn yells out to me: "YOU LIED TO ME" I said Kaitlyn what did I lie to you about? "THERE IS NO MORE ORANGE JUICE" as she is waving the empty carton in the air, you told me a lie mom..... so I reflect back to yesterday...lol well I did tell her lets not drink it all today so we will have some tomorrow.

She walks away from me and says "I am so frustrated with you right now mom"

I do not respond but reflect to all the years of speech therapy paying off, I fought so hard for so many hours, pushed for in home. I did good by her! LOL I brought this on myself, I must say fighting for inclusion and all the services possible really does give them the best opportunity to be more normal than not!

Yes, I am! September 14, 1960

It is the eve of my 50th Year since birth...

I remember turning 25 years old and having a rough go of it. Feeling I was so old and had nothing to show for 25 years of life. Back then I looked at material things as wealth, that if I was still in college, hadn't bought a real solid home and made roots... OK, I bought a couple trailers by then but to me that didn't count. I was taken into a depression I didn't share with anyone. The good part of me is that I can kick myself harder than anyone else. When I got that kick, I moved forward. Back 25 years ago I was conflicted in faith, I was young, three small children, a dead beat man dragging me by my shirt tails and I needed a good hard kick. I had been to college many years by this time spinning from one direction to the other not understanding why my life remained so out of control when in my vision I was doing everything to rise above..

In my 27th year of life yes, I am slow at moving forward yet moving forward always... I sought out Catholic Social services in Peoria, Illinois where I met with a personal therapist and poured my heart out for me, not because someone told me to go, not because I was made to go, because I chose to go... I remember a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders that moment I went through that door even before I exposed my soul to this stranger. I knew that I had aloud my savior the one I believe in to have hold of my heart, take me where ever I needed to be to have a better life. I knew this did not mean any more college, I knew it had nothing to do with finding the right man, it had to do with my belief system, me, who I am and what I am about. I needed to put faith back into my life. This never has meant that I needed to belong to a building a church because I knew from the power inside me that I was connected personally which had nothing to do with other humans or any building nor group. SO I took the biggest leap of faith and left my core.my life as I knew it and traveled as far away as one could (almost) and here I am

almost 25 more years have passed and not one of those feelings of not good enough, not having enough, not doing enough are within me. I live each day with faith filled love within myself, it pours out to the people around me that choose to invite that part of who they are in. I do not get stuck on those who choose not to, I know they have their own journey to bare. This is me, it is who I am and I am 50 years of life proud. Could I have done more, been more, had more....who cares because more does not bring happiness if it not meant to be... For me happiness is more.

Birthday week begins...smiles upon my face

As I approach my 50th I have many memories and worries at the same time. Am I really that old? It seemed as I was growing up 50 was the end, rocking chairs for ever after. Now, I find it wow 50 is the beginning of so much fun, knowledge, making sound good choices to help make life better every day. I take each day as it comes not expecting anything more than to make the best of today, I love the journey I am on with my children, it brings me such joy.

This week starts out with my finances getting back into balance.. if you follow our family you will know that back in April I got notices that State Farm was letting our home go as of 2011 we will be dropped because we live in Florida... DROPPED after 20 years of honest faithful clients not claiming small things that could have been claimed.. Dropped, AND they raised my final year rate by DOUBLE... yes they did!!! It took my mortgage up $400.00 a month which when your actual mtg is $300.00 and add taxes and insurance near $700.00 and jump to $1,1000.00 it is HUGE as we hit the summer months I thought it would paralyze us from any fun money. The reason I am able to budget the family and have the little fun times is because we do have a mtg at 4% , monthly rate is $300.oo. We do not qualify for things like food stamps, free lunch programs etc so I have the balance of our expenses on our monthly income.. When you add $400.00 more a month as I move into $455.00 electric bills from the winter months of $225.00 I NEED PLANNING. They gave no for warning, just bam!

THE GOOD NEWS IS..... I ordered a wind mitigation report and my mortgage is being re calculated as of yesterday which they assured be will be back in the 600 range...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I plan to take the over paid and get #1 a physical, #2 eye exam and new glasses.... again HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

At this time my friend canceled her room at the Hard Rock Hotel because she picked up a new job, Booo Hoooo I was looking forward to that. I have my cruise coming which is pre-paid so nothing is stopping me on that week of me me me time. If anyone reading would like to go, I found a week cruise on Carnival for $169.00. I have it pre-paid and pre-paid gratuity paid. I want to pre- pay one shore side excursion this month and the rest is on board fun.. I have my thrifty tricks I will share privately....LOL

It is Saturday morning all the kids are taking a calm morning watching cartoons, playing in their rooms and then Jordan who is calling his "Dad" He picked up the play phone and called "Steve, my Dad" He is going to his Dad's for the weekend and asked if he could take Ali with him too. I asked him what they were going to do and he said "make eggs" Not sure where this came from. Last night he asked if Lilly could come over and spend the night. Lilly his little friend from school he now knows he can only kiss on the cheek. LOL "R-E" as he calls her. He was not happy when I told him it would not be appropriate for her to spend the night with him but a play date is great. He is a riot, never know what is swirling in his head.

Tressa is having a rough morning, already planning snack and wanting to know if she can make ham and cheese little sandwiches for snack??? Then went through the entire list of anyone in the cafeteria who brought their lunch and told me everything that was inside their lunch box... She stated the very best item any one brought was a kit to make peanut butter and jelly crackers in a lunchable ...I have a feeling there is a candy bar in those lunchables... Hhhhmmmm... she didn't mention that. Hanna Montana movie tonight trying to re-focus her thoughts to planning for that. Tomorrow Lara is coming for the day so she will be busy with Lara and playing with her playhouse, dress up and girly girl day... She had Geraldine over the other day and that went well other than having children who are only kids...it is hard for them to understand that when they come out to play in the main rooms that other children will join in. She did take the explanation why others needed to be aloud to join if out in the main rooms and we must be nice... Went well.

I hope to get to the dollar store for Disney goodies. We go to DISNEY ON ICE Friday night. A very nice couple bought the family tickets to see DISNEY on Ice and added extra tickets so that the kids could all take a friend...Asked how many I could bring and my van holds 15 so 15 is what they sent!! AMAZING how generous people are. We leave at 4:30, pick up happy meals and put a movie on in the van DISNEY of course and off we go to the 7 pm show in Sunrise, FL. TO save on crying I am getting lots of trinkets to place in their hands during the show so they will not ask for the over priced items in the halls on the way in/out.. avoiding melt downs always.

School has been going better so not complaining too much right now. Jordan and Tressa are in great places. Lucas is having the trials of a new school where he is testing them to believe he can not do this, can not do that, he is taking the shoes off again, squeaking and popping his mouth noises much more.... URG why do our kids push all the buttons. His feeding is out of control. he now will not place anything non preferred into his mouth so I am being asked to come in and show how we do it here. URg... His no preferred is anything not yogurt, applesauce or pudding. Everything else is hand over hand to get him started and anything like a "bite" of a sandwich, pizza, chicken etc you have to really encourage him.. He wants to live on liquid.

Kaitlyn has been sick most of the first weeks of school and Steven's teacher called to say they are going to work on sounds of the alphabets.. some site words.. he was reading .7 books so not sure why we are plunging back to pre-K with a 13 year old in the 7th grade. I do I really Do because Steven is paving the way to show me exactly how smart my boys who choose not to do anything are. Steven has perfected the I will show the world I can not do anything... He speaks the most clear of all my children, he just chooses to speak to a small select few people in life... He avoids work at all costs.

This is it, doors are banging, I need to hop off here and have my presence known... Therapy in a few hours, Mandie is coming and swimming today.

venting

It has been a rough week, I am getting to a point where all the volunteering I do is interfering with my happiness at times. It isn't all warm and fuzzy which bothers me until the phone rings and someone needs to pick my brain... like yesterday a parent called because her child was having to walk down around the corner a few blocks to catch his ESE bus which passes their home to go to the next stop (someone Else's home) I helped her get the contacts to straighten it out for door to door pick up and drop off with helping her know what to put on the IEP so she can open the door and be sure an adult is home before he exits the bus for all the what if's. Pretty simple stuff if you know who, where and how to make contacts. This mom was stressing over weather, safe drop offs and all the what if's for no reason.

This morning a school called me to ask where they might find after school care for a child with special needs since the ones the parent is contacting are not taking children with special needs... FIRED ME RIGHT UP! This is my background.. Early childhood education, so I get on the phone and alert our 4C's this is an issue again, then the coalition to give them a heads up that we need inclusion help again and off to send an email to the school with names, addresses and contact numbers to pass along to parents...email out to a service provider about the ongoing need for after school care for children with special needs.. I have my wishes. We have a beautiful full service youth center being taken over by gangs and thugs which is a shame. We could use that facility for so many positive supports and services making the benefactor (deceased police officer) smile from his grave... I think it is time to plan a trip to a city board meeting and get the idea out to the community. I would love a night video of the facility as it is now.... Maybe a list of police calls/responds to that facility would be nice for public awareness... fire me up!

Then it is my passion for Down syndrome awareness and the endless hours I spend working to get volunteers to help.. to get things happening... and to get nasty emails, nasty phone calls that it is never enough... I take my volunteer positions seriously with many times my hands tied behind my back.. I am not one to ask for money, not good about charging for things most people charge big bucks for... my time is equally as valuable as others.. I often wish I could be on the "wife swap" in a people swap..... I have done a load of dishes six large loads of laundry, Gotten 7 kids up, fed dressed lunches, teeth brushed, deodorant on etc...hair etc... baby up bathes changed fed twice counseled a parent, coffee with a friend emailed the school made 14 Doctors appointments for my children, tried to hook up a printer, cleaned the house bleached the kids bathroom, and it is noon..... That all this morning. And I have volunteer work to get to now and why do I not feel like jumping right on that ??????????????????????????????????

Tressa and Kaitlyn finish their totes today

BUDDY WALK 2010

http://www.swflpodsangels.org/uploads/4/8/8/5/4885791/buddy_walk_2010_-_master.pdf

if you can not open link

Please email to

swflpodsangels@msn.com

in the subject line put Registration form

US mail please email your address

LOVE LOVE LOVE my life

How does one love so deeply when they thought they had loved as deep as possible yesterday. Each day something happens in my life that I feel such a passage to a deeper love than I ever thought possible. Maybe just taking in each day and being thankful for what I have and no longer looking at what I do not have strengthens my faith in my passion for life with the children... I can not put words on it, I feel it. When the kids look at me; Emma can shoot me a look, twitch her shoulder with pure attitude and shoot me the look of her love for me and I just melt... Lucas has the look of love for me that is his own.. I give him a solid chunk of chicken breast tonight and his jaw starts chewing like he knew exactly what the letter in the mail I had opened said... Please have your Doctor sign to provide a soft diet for Lucas as he can not chew solid foods and spits them out of swallows them whole....... HA! that look now as he is chewing this rather large piece of chicken is one I know he knows I know and that look just makes me laugh out loud when no one but he and I know why. Tressa, the look of my love to know exactly her body move, her loud as life language ... I need more to drink, I am the only adult... I go fill her cup and when I return all SEEMS the same EXCEPT a bowl is missing from the table.. You know that game you played in College or possibly High School where you see a scene and then it flashes and you have to recall exacts that you saw that you can not see now... WELL I have a keen sense these days in that part of my brain... The bowl of noodles for Jordan had vanished. My look of love right into Tressa's eyes and my words.... Tressa please go get Jordan's noodles and put them back on the table...she complies without incidence, Steven looks into my eyes like he was sworn to secrecy and than k you for not being upset with "me"...you see there was a day I would question why no one told but Tressa used that against the kids so I removed that power and a simple loving wink to Steven gives him the OK Tressa holds nothing over Mom...Kaitlyn is up and down with the flu, she today is struggling to be well and having a drag to her, she and I have had a wonderful week even with her sick. Well I have not forgotten Keirsten the love of my life.... the girl, the young woman the teen that has to keep that love balanced between teen/love.... You know when they turn about 12 or 13 until they hit about 17 and begin the climb down from the mountain of tho know everything and especially way more than their MOTHER.... well she too is having some loving moments as her 17th year of life is approaching.. Yes, I just read I forgot Jordan.... well most know he is my man, my left hand in life..LOL left hand and one eyebrow so a smirk of silly boy silly just knows how much I love him... SO again it is approaching year 50 and I can not think of a better way to live life.... How many people can share this much love in an afternoon..

Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are (Cover by MattyBRaps ft. Tyler Ward)

Kids say some of the funniest (pure truth)

I am not in the mood to blog...so much going on I would unravel if I dare list.

The other morning my grandson was having a rough morning with my daughter who is trying to help form him into a nice young lad...LOL With her husband in the same room... He being three is .... well here is how it went... My daughter said Carmelo are you back talking me? Carmelo said; "No mommy, I am talking at my front, see this is my back (points to his back) and this is my front (pointing to his front) I am taking at you from my front!................ LOL My daughter had to walk away...no she was not laughing. Her husband re-affirmed he is only telling it as he sees it... he has a point.

I was on the phone with my friend in Lehigh yesterday and Kaitlyn was sitting mext to me. Her phone service looses calls all the time. I said out loud Oh, I lost her.. Kailtyn asked who, I explained Gail, she is out in Lehigh. About an hour or so later Mandie came to work and Kaitlyn got all excited to tell Mandie Gail is lost in Lehigh. She seemed now upset that I was not reacting to Gail being lost in Lehigh and she is lost... LOL