Friday, September 3, 2010


How does one love so deeply when they thought they had loved as deep as possible yesterday. Each day something happens in my life that I feel such a passage to a deeper love than I ever thought possible. Maybe just taking in each day and being thankful for what I have and no longer looking at what I do not have strengthens my faith in my passion for life with the children... I can not put words on it, I feel it. When the kids look at me; Emma can shoot me a look, twitch her shoulder with pure attitude and shoot me the look of her love for me and I just melt... Lucas has the look of love for me that is his own.. I give him a solid chunk of chicken breast tonight and his jaw starts chewing like he knew exactly what the letter in the mail I had opened said... Please have your Doctor sign to provide a soft diet for Lucas as he can not chew solid foods and spits them out of swallows them whole....... HA! that look now as he is chewing this rather large piece of chicken is one I know he knows I know and that look just makes me laugh out loud when no one but he and I know why. Tressa, the look of my love to know exactly her body move, her loud as life language ... I need more to drink, I am the only adult... I go fill her cup and when I return all SEEMS the same EXCEPT a bowl is missing from the table.. You know that game you played in College or possibly High School where you see a scene and then it flashes and you have to recall exacts that you saw that you can not see now... WELL I have a keen sense these days in that part of my brain... The bowl of noodles for Jordan had vanished. My look of love right into Tressa's eyes and my words.... Tressa please go get Jordan's noodles and put them back on the table...she complies without incidence, Steven looks into my eyes like he was sworn to secrecy and than k you for not being upset with "me" see there was a day I would question why no one told but Tressa used that against the kids so I removed that power and a simple loving wink to Steven gives him the OK Tressa holds nothing over Mom...Kaitlyn is up and down with the flu, she today is struggling to be well and having a drag to her, she and I have had a wonderful week even with her sick. Well I have not forgotten Keirsten the love of my life.... the girl, the young woman the teen that has to keep that love balanced between teen/love.... You know when they turn about 12 or 13 until they hit about 17 and begin the climb down from the mountain of tho know everything and especially way more than their MOTHER.... well she too is having some loving moments as her 17th year of life is approaching.. Yes, I just read I forgot Jordan.... well most know he is my man, my left hand in life..LOL left hand and one eyebrow so a smirk of silly boy silly just knows how much I love him... SO again it is approaching year 50 and I can not think of a better way to live life.... How many people can share this much love in an afternoon..