I can only hold it in so long and then I need to vent.... I miss having a partner, even a person regularly dating at times like this... Someone who would listen and know how to help by just letting me sit in the dark for 20 minutes to recoup.... Yes, I am raising a teenage girl with ADHD and it can... well it is exhausting at times.

This last week has been full of emotional highs and lows which also plays a role in how I can take on more than many. I feel like when everything hits, it hits... meaning I am gearing up to the busiest months of the year, the way I like life and then I have an emotional trigger, then I fall into the pity party some moments on why I am single in this life journey.... then I answer that.... and move forward. You see I realize how much work relationships are and for me because I select the wrong person it has been two times too much work /one sided/ so I am reluctant to put myself out there.. Not sure where this is going???? this is what came to mind driving back from getting supplies just now. How much nicer it would be if I wasn't single... maybe because my good friend pointed out last night that it has been several years since I dated... THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT.... maybe that is what is seeping into my mind, maybe it is because I just need some one to get away with, someone to touch me, look at me, pay attention to me. I have not been putting myself out there to even have an opportunity to meet anyone so this is a real self pity party... OK, enough.

Keirsten is my teenager with ADHD in the worst way. She has the gene pool of self destruction to boot and is a teenager so nothing I say makes any sense because I know nothing any way. It came to my shutting down her myspace, facebook and taking control of her email last night and this morning. She gave me the passwords with reluctance and then said she was calling the police to report me for hacking into her accounts??? I explained it was called supervising and what I found was not in my opinion healthy for her so I took control and we will discuss in her weekly therapy session Tuesday. If they tell me it is harmless to bash yourself and set yourself up for ongoing drama then I will release but I will be hard pressed to believe that. For her privacy I will only say it really is not OK what she is doing to herself. She is responding today like any teenager would so the pressure is on... and I really am not liking it... but am dealing with it.

Kaitlyn, she is sewing more of her bag today in therapy, it is looking very nice, her patchwork squares are even and her sewing is clean and neat. She told me she has a hole in her lip, this means her braces are loose again. Not sure what she is doing, this is occurring a lot lately. I have to schedule her oral surgery to expand her jaw. I have consulted with three dentists now and feel confident the right decision is to move forward with the expansion for long term effects. This will put her out of some school and she is looking forward to getting back to school.

Steven is.... well Steve,,,, I tell you this is part of my frustration. I tell him to get the pitcher to make OJ and he hands me the griddle... ???... I ask him if I can mix orange juice in it and he looks at me with this blank stare.. Then I say it slower and he then freezes and looks totally lost... error less teaching kicks in and I get the pitcher and we mix the OJ together as I say what we are doing as we do it. He often does this with me... like I am not sure he is in the here and now with me... It is hard to figure if it is avoidance behavior or really he is not hearing what I am saying or simple lost in the thought of something else he is thinking about... He is 13 so hormones can be making lord only knows where that mind is traveling to ... Again I think he is ready for the routine of school.

Jordan I know is focused on getting back to school, he saw his para professionals picture in photos on the lap top last night and he couldn't get enough of it. My Nelson, I love her. I want Nelson, on and on and then the question was ...school tomorrow? so he will be ready, maybe packing book bags this week would help..

Tressa has struggled this summer, she has made many bad choices, she refuses to clean up her own messes. she carries on so much I am ready for her to get back into the school routine and actually she does well in the school routine. I have worked all summer to get her PCA in place and boy it has been a chore of paperwork to get something that was ordered by her Doctor 1 1/2 years ago... should be a crime. It was actually 40 lbs ago, she was 70 lbs when the Dr. wrote the order and now 110... something we all knew would happen if things didn't get into place.... INSURANCE COMPANIES THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING... Urg!

Lucas is doing well, he is a noisy running machine... much different than the boy who didn't want to walk, sat and didn't vocalize anything.... I am getting great feedback about his new teacher. I pray this all works out for him this year...Our #1focus is potty training, we are using time training and his teacher is all about this... THANK GOODNESS.

Emma, oh Emma Princess you are not being good......LOL She screamed through therapy again today.... Ms. Jan kept the therapy going so she does not feel she can manipulate adults trying to teach her... she is strong willed. Ms Jan was showing me that when Ms Emma wants to cuddle which I so enjoy is actually her getting out of doing work. She molds her body into mine and she does not have to work any muscles. Ms Jan was saying how parents fall into this as they enjoy their "baby's longer" but reality is we are not doing our children well by them avoiding using their muscles... Amazing how they can manipulate us smart adults when they are Dev. delayed and 1 1/2 years old.... LOL

I have been in my room surfing the web typing, checking face book, playing in the dark for almost an hour.... it has been all good....

I FEEL BETTER! thanks for sharing time with me...