Saturday, January 8, 2011

a mini vacation from my mom role; very mini

I hit the brick wall of parenting; good thing I had on my protective gear and bounced back quickly.

I just needed to drive, drive solo so I can blast the music and have flash backs of my mom saying "turn that down you, are ruining your hearing" that didn't phase me today nor back when she said it. I just needed to drive... and if I had a hard top convertible the top would have been down but for now they do not make Chevy Express 3500 15 passenger vans with hard top convertibles, so having the windows down had to do... So I drove..... I kinda had to drive in circles because my daughter could text at any minute that she is in labor and I need to be home....BUT I needed to just have a moment alone with really loud music and pretty much shut my brain off other than necessary driving skills and an eye on the cell phone for an incoming text light to come on... and I drove, not sure how many song played, really didn't care if I knew all the words, I pretended I did, sang like nobodies watching.. and I drove... it works for me.. a mini vacation of my responsibilities. You see, I am a 24/7 -- 365 parent without moments of release; no partner to say, go take a shower I got it, or No it is OK you go to the store by yourself, I got it. Noone ever says that. You say; well she has a 17 and 16 year old but neither are capable to "babysit."

AND THERE IT IS...the light to the text on my phone, do I read it or just race home..

A red light aloud me to read it "what do you do when Tressa throws such a fit she tears her room up" I want to text back....go for a drive.. but I called and all I could hear was screaming, a high pitch scream to keep any communication from occurring. I could hear Mandie trying to talk over the scream..."MOM IS ON THE PHONE FOR YOU" after about 3 attempts I hear panting so I say "Tressa?" she half says yeeeesss sniffle sniffle, so I know she is on the phone.. I hear everyone in the back ground saying she was cheating on the game memory and got mad.. I go over the rules if you play with other people you play the game as the rules are written. if you want to alter the game it has to be when you play solo.. then, I am passing Walgreen's so you have less than 5 minutes to get your room back the way it looked when I left or you will pay negative consequences.. Oh it just brings me back to reality in I walked in the door Tressa was at the table, all quiet and they were resuming the memory game. With severe OCD she struggles when the pieces are not exactly the same space apart, all facing the same way and if you play you need to let her win.. it has never worked for her so I have no idea why she continues to think it will work. I am home, reality is what it is and now I slide back into the responsible mom role...