Hurting heart this morning, after a rough nights sleep, which if you know me, isn't usual. I am struggling with the thoughts of a cousin and second cousin who have landed themselves in places they need prayers. In so many ways I know moving to Florida was my saving grace to be grounded as I am. In the next thought I miss my family (as I saw it through a child's eyes) I ask you to pray for Ammie for strength to rise above the poisons of drug addiction. My memory of her is so different, this is not even comprehensible to me that this BEAUTIFUL girl, God blessed her with model quality looks; could have fallen into the clenches of such a deadly poison. I remember spending summers with her, envious of her long red locks soft and perfect. Her petite face and perfect bone structure, her ability to eat anything and never gain an ounce. Her grace, intelligence and will. Her Mother my Aunt Peggy now passed who seemed the adult figure of her daughter... Unfortunately, I did not stay in contact over the years since moving to Florida, taking on my strengths and making life for my children here was my focus.. I didn't balance my time for family back thousands of miles; making it all my past, burrying some of that pain. I have never met her daughter Morgan who at this time can be saved before the clinches of anything grab hold...Pray, please pray that God delivers her the strength to rise above the pains of dysfunction, see into her future; a positive life, to make choices that will enhance HER. She is 15 years young. The age that is so very difficult in the best home lives. Morgan unfortunately has not had this foundation from her Mother nor Father and now in the care of our system called foster care, I am terrified for her. I know foster care in ways that this has taken me to my knees. I know the paths the children Morgan will be sharing time with have gone.. I know what horrible things she can learn and be exposed to.. it is causing great pain to my heart. Fifteen is such an impressionable age..I know, I did this to my own daughter. Mandie was fifteen when I brought home foster girls to our home. Thinking I was being a good citizen, I did not take into consideration that the teens I brought into my home would be no person I would wish to build friendships for my children with. I know that is strong from me, but reality is the children I brought into the dark quiet rooms unsupervised taught my pure teenage daughter about prostitution, about sex in ways I never ever wanted her to learn as a teen. It brought out abuse and graphic descriptions of information way before any child should learn... Balance, I pray for balance in Morgan's life and all those surrounding her so everyone can think clearly and make the right decisions for Morgan. Please keep my extended family in prayer as this is very trying on my heart.
The conflict of keeping distance from why I left, to what I know; who I am, my gift to help family.